


Jake’s Peralta's Addams Family Themed Wedding Rap

by secretsofluftnarp (luftie)



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: F/M, Script Format, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-10-06 23:23:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17354606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luftie/pseuds/secretsofluftnarp
Summary: The Addams Family-themed vows from Jake's notebook.





	Jake’s Peralta's Addams Family Themed Wedding Rap

In his notebook, Jake had crafted only the coolest wedding vows ever. Rap vows, obviously. Ooh, Jake thought, he could get his old partner Stevie Schillens to beatbox! Hey, Jake wondered, was Stevie in prison? He was gonna make a note to check whether Stevie Schillens was in prison.    


Either way, he could pretend there was a sick backbeat. And it would be his wedding! He would look amazing, Amy would obviously look amazing, and they would be about to exchange their vows, all of a sudden, Jake would start singing. Like a version of the Addams Family theme.    
  
__ ya dat da ya da-dat DA, ya dat da ya da-dat DA...  
  
And then he'd rap! 

  
**JAKE:**  
When I was holed up in the hoosgow all I did was dream of you   
Thought about lions, and depression, and some mashed-potato boobs    
When those bars kept us apart darkness was all I could see   
But I saw love inside that darkness, kinda like the Addams Family   
  
  
Amy would clearly be stunned, in a good way - god, she would look like a million dollars, Jake was so lucky - so then, he'd kick it up a notch.

**JAKE:**  
If I'm Gomez, you're Morticia    
Feel so happy when i'm witcha   
We'll have that guy take our pictures   
Cuz we're gettin' maaaarried   
  
Because this love! gonna let it Fester   
In both large and smaller gestures  
Whether or not rap vows impressed her   
I am bless-ter be with you  
  
Whether it's Wednesday (Thursday, Friday)  
Not gonna leave you in the Lurch  
this is our Thing, gonna give a  _ hand _ to   
making our commitment work  
And nothing's gonna come between us whether that's jail or Cousin It  
Because these Peraltiagos are just too legit to quit.   
  
  
  
And people are singing along! Or maybe just Charles is, but Amy looks like she’s thinking. He isn't sure what that's about. But Jake leans in toward Holt. 

 

Jake: So, Captain, can you believe you mocked this brilliance during that interrogation?   
Holt: Well. Your rhyme scheme is all over the place.   
Jake: Dammit, Dad!   
  


Jake notices that Amy has taken the microphone.    
  
Amy: Yeah.  My turn.    
Jake: Say whaaaaaat.

  
It turns out Amy isn't kidding around. 

  
**AMY** (real fast):   
when we met I was too scared to improvise   
woulda panicked but I learned I could trust you guys   
where there's love it's okay to take a few tries  
and if something's not perfect we compromise   
  
(matching Jake's rhythm from the beginning)   
If you're cartoons, then I'm wordplay   
like the crosswords out on Sunday  
you look at me like yeah I  _ know _ that sixty-nine across           
  
Jake (tearfully): I love you.    
  
**AMY:**  
Because you know I know _ you _ know that I'd always be your boss.   
Mic drop!   
  
Gina: You know, you're not supposed to say 'mic drop' when you drop the mic. (Gina says, unhelpfully).    
  
Amy steps toward her.    
  
Amy: The mic. Has. Been. Dropped.   
  
Jake is grinning like a doofus and holding up Amy's hand like she's just won a prizefight.    
  
Jake: The mic has been dropped! __  
__  
GIna: You're supposed to kiss now, dummies.   
  
Jake: Oh right!    
  
Jake is gazing at Amy, eyes full of tears.   
  
Jake:  I love you so much. I'm crying, because that’s a thing I do now   
  
Amy gazes back at him.    
  
Amy: I know.   
  
They kiss, because this is the greatest and Amy is the greatest, even when it's Jake's own daydream.

 

**END SCENE**  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Couldn't make the recording/"podfic" of this work, so here's the "script."


End file.
